Michael: First Day of K

The end of the day...pictures are in reverse order.

When you got off the bus in the afternoon, I could already see there was something different about you.  You looked older, wiser, a little bit removed from me.

Heading into school in the morning...
and below, getting off the bus

Of course, I was so proud.  I was wishing and hoping and praying  that your first day of kindergarten would be great.  I grilled you with questions to try and figure out if you liked your day.  That's the most important thing to me right now- that you are eager to go to school, that you enjoy being part of a class and making new friends.  Because you having a good first impression is going to set the stage for all the learning you will do this year.

I didn't shed a tear at the bus stop in the morning.  You lined up and hopped on with all the other neighborhood kids.  No tears from you either, although I knew that you felt a little nervous.  I jumped in the car with Grammy & beat the bus, just so I could see you get off the bus and head into school (and catch it with my camera, of course).  I felt better seeing you walk into the building, knowing you had reached your destination, safe and sound.  I can't do this every day but on that first day, I was so glad that I did.

Waiting to board...

It wasn't hard to let you begin this new adventure...but wow, it's so strange not having you in the house all day.  Liam and Chloe are feeling it too.  We are trying to adjust and fill the time and figure out the new dynamic...until you are back at home and everything returns to "normal".

It's strange to think that you are off doing your own thing.  I have no idea what you are doing from one moment to the next.  I felt this way when I worked full time- the difference now is that I am not right there in the same building, I can't just drop by to see you and I don't have the distraction of a job to keep my thoughts from drifting to you.  It's a sense of separation that I am not yet comfortable with.

Don't get me wrong, it's kind of nice to have just 2 at home.  Everything seems easier somehow...  Liam definitely misses his #1 playmate but he is figuring it out and maybe even enjoying being the top dog for a while.

School day #2 happened today and here I was feeling very confident about you...feeling that you were adjusting pretty well to this new school...feeling like it was pretty positive for you.  Just marveling at how much older and more assured you seemed.

Then I got a phone call from your teacher tonight.  She told me you became so upset during the post-lunch/recess bathroom break this afternoon.  She said you wouldn't tell her why.  You refused to come out of the bathroom, cried & screamed.  Finally you came into the classroom and then sat off to yourself and sobbed.  The teacher told me that she just wanted to let me know- it wasn't a big deal at this point.  I felt sick to my stomach anyway while she was telling me everything.

The worst part for me is, when I asked you about your day, you never mentioned it.  Even when I asked if there was any part of the day that you didn't like...you said nothing to me.  I've seen the type of tantrum she described...I've seen you do it quite often. 

When I asked you about what happened, you told me it was because you felt sad and you missed me all day.  I tried to reassure you...to give you some ideas about what you could do next time...I have no idea if any of that sunk in.  I hugged you extra at bedtime and am hoping that you won't fight going to school in the morning.









I am trying not to over think this--trying to believe that this is just adjustment to a new place and new routine and a FULL DAY of school.  Keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow will be a better day.

See, he just LOOKS so much younger here...