My heart was happy to read supportive comments- more than I could ask for really. I still keep feeling nervous, like I should hide the post or take it down. Why? It's hard to put it into words. It's like letting it be and leaving it "out there" is a bit scary. Something in writing AND on the internet-- it feels very open and uncomfortable.
And maybe it should feel that way right now- maybe this is part of the healing process for me. Reading back over my own words, to be honest it's a bit surreal because while I know my own story, certain nuances come through when I am writing. Bringing those details into my awareness can really stir the emotional pot for me. It's a hard process but in my experience, the distress caused by this processing is worth it on the other side. That's when I get to heal just a bit more. For anyone who has ever had to work through something difficult, the "ebb and flow" is possibly the worst part. Sometimes you have to feel worse before you can feel better. It sounds strange but it's so true. There is light coming, I promise. You just can't let the darkness stop you!
I like that she included various scenarios in what she is telling her eldest daughter, wanting her to know that mom has her back- whether something happens against her will or as a result of her own choices. I think we all hope to teach our children to use good judgement and we also hope to pass on our morals. Bottom line: teens make impulsive decisions. It's important for our children to know that we are here for them 100% even if they "mess up".
I think at this point, all I can say is that I'm sending some prayers up that parents have the courage to talk about the tough stuff and that our children will take these talks to heart and keep talking to us. May we as parents figure out a way to handle whatever may come with patience and grace!
3 comments:
That's very true about having to feel worse sometimes in order to feel better. Still, I hope there's more better than worse for you.
Wow - I'm just catching up on reading, so I've just read the last few posts. I've always admired you, J, for lots of reasons, and now I can add your survival/thriving to it. Even if it doesn't feel like it to you at times. I'm continually amazed at friends who have the courage to share this sort of stuff- you are not alone.
And I hear you about talking with kids too. You know I work at a church, and we have to do all this "safe environment" stuff. At first, I was pretty riled up about it (since priests and not laity were primarily abusers)- but I've come to realize what a gift it can be, to have a whole community AWARE of these sorts of issues. Because while some of the guidelines are about reporting and legal precautions, there's actually good stuff for the kids - and parents.
I've learned a lot- and I'm still trying to learn. Everything you said, about your kids and maybe not being able to prevent/stop the abuse: ditto here. Big ditto. It's the worst part of being a parent, I think, knowing that we can't keep them safe. But we can keep trying, and hopefully reduce the stats- not just for our kids, but for all the wonderful, innocent, annoying bundles of joy out there. Thanks for 'talking' about it!
MamaK-we did safe environment training at the preschool I worked out last year (the boys attended and now Chloe does) and I really liked the program we used. It emphasized not just the idea of suspected abuse and the reporting process. The school actually changed some of the procedures to make things safer for kids. It was a good approach, in my opinion. Because the truth is that most kids know their abuser...it's not some monster hiding in the bushes. It often is a trusted family or friend of the family. Horrible to think about all of this but like you said, the more we do as parents, the better chance our kids have!
P.S.- I admire you too!! And I really appreciate your kind words <3
Post a Comment