Mercy

Last night I spent some time with a really amazing family.

Mary Lou and Andy have been among the best of my parents' friends for years.  They've raised five children together, 3 boys and 2 girls.  They have grandchildren and great-grandchildren by the dozens (literally).  My Dad worked with Andy for years.  My mom took care of their children, their daughters babysat me and came on vacation with us, and over the years we've shared many milestones and holidays.  Good times and bad.  We are an extension of each other's families!

Andy hasn't been doing well lately.  He has battled cancer for some time now and in recent months, his health has declined and treatment just didn't make sense anymore.  In recent weeks, my mom has been visiting their home almost daily and keeping me updated.  When I spoke to her last night, I had the impression that the end was coming very quickly.  It was 10:30 at night and I asked her if she thought they would still be awake and if I could stop by.  She said, "Yes!".

I made the short drive over to their house.  I could see that lights were on all over the house and yes, the front door was wide open.  I walked in (it's the type of place where you don't have to knock!) and found Mary Lou sitting at the dining room table with her 2 daughters and another close same-as-family friend.  Andy was resting in the other room.  They wisely had hospice services set up, along with a hospital bed and other things to help keep Andy as comfortable as possible.  He was sleeping and not responsive.  I sat with him for a few minutes, rubbing his leg and just saying a few quiet words.  

I then joined the ladies at the table and Mary Lou, a constant caretaker, had a hot cup of tea and treats in front of me in no time.  I didn't want her to make a fuss but if you know Mary Lou, she isn't going to sit down until she feeds you in some way.  We talked about all kinds of things, stories, memories and they were trying as best they could to talk through what was happening to Andy.

I stayed to try and be helpful while they administered a midnight dose of his medications.  Andy was slightly agitated by being moved around and I know all hearts were breaking as these wonderful women did what needed to be done in the most gentle ways possible.  Slowly, they figured out sleeping arrangements for themselves and began to get settled for the evening.  Everyone left the room but I stayed for a moment.

I knelt down beside the bed and placed my hand on Andy's arm.  He was making some small noises and still not quite settled from being repositioned to help him breath more comfortably.  I told him it was "Jane-bug" (the family's nickname for me) and that he is one of the best men that I know.  I tried as best as I could to tell him how loved he is, to tell him that it was okay to let go, if he needed to.  I assured him that all of us would take good care of each other--that we would take good care of Mary Lou-- and that God was ready to wrap him up in love.  I don't know if he could hear me but I think he could.  I was glad to have that quiet moment alone with him.  I didn't want to upset his family but I remember having a similar "talk" with my Granny when she was nearing the end of her life.  I think that sometimes, the person needs to hear it so their spirit can be at peace.  I don't know if that is true but I believe it!

I hugged everyone else good-night and drove home.  All I could think about was  Andy.  I prayed to God to please show him and his family mercy!  Not only was Andy suffering but his wife and family along with him.  I actually told God that it was time to "do the right thing".  Very bold but I started to feel angry that such a wonderful, gentle-hearted man had to go through so much.  When I got home, I had a hard time falling asleep.  I just kept praying and hoping that Andy's pain would come to an end soon.

This morning I found out that he passed around 5:00am.  I felt sadness but mostly, immense relief.  I also was so thankful that I got to spend a little time with him before he passed.  I was so thankful that his wife and daughters allowed me to stay and help in whatever small way I could.  To just be with them, hold a hand, give a hug...listen!

I know the grief will be overwhelming for his family.  He was a quiet man with a big presence.  A husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, uncle, brother, friend who fulfilled all those roles and then some.

Rest in Peace sweet Andy- one of the best men I have ever known!