Over these past few weeks, I have thought about this blog many times over. I have started to write posts in my head and then quickly abandoned them as new thoughts replaced whatever it was I was going to rant about. Up until now, you have been spared-- if you are unfortunate enough to get any type of notification on this blog, your time is up.
I am finding that I just need an outlet other than Facebook. Anything posted there is up for far too much controversy. Maybe I just want to put my thoughts out there without quite so much feedback. Don't get me wrong, I am always open to other views and I find that listening to differing points helps me have empathy. What I cannot stand are the verbal smackdowns that often take place in the comments section. It stresses me just to be an observer of that on someone else's thread.
So here I am....quarantine....online school....not currently working...remaining cautious but hopeful. I thought I might just do a quick "Top 10" style list by way of catching up and just noting where my head is right now. Here we go:
1. The kids are 13, 12 and 10. 8th, 7th and 4th grade. Sully (fur child) is 4. They are growing so fast and my middle child is officially taller than me as of about 2 weeks ago. This makes him very happy.
2. On most days, my mindset is very much "it is what it is" and I just kind of go through my day without overthinking or fretting. Then there are OTHER days where I am like what the f is this? how can we keep doing this? what is going to happen to everyone financially? omg, dystopian society is only a heartbeat away and I am ill-equipped for such circumstances. I've read all the books- canNOT handle that.
3. My dad, who has Parkinson's and dementia, has been at a facility in a memory care unit since early November. His facility has been fortunate in holding off a major outbreak of COVID19 but a little over 2 weeks ago, his unit DID have positive cases and my father ended up testing positive and has been in quarantine in another unit. He has, THANKFULLY, been asymptomatic. Provided he remains that way, he will be able to go back to his regular room at the end of this week. My mom and I have not seen him in person since mid March, literally the day before the facility was closed off to outside visitors. We haven't had a video chat since he changed units. Hopefully this weekend we can have one and hopefully, he remembers us! My mom is healthy and handling things pretty well. She lives close so I have been able to see her/help her regularly.
4. I left my job as a claims adjuster for auto insurance at the end of January for a variety of reasons and was in the process of getting an emergency teaching certification to fill in as a substitute teacher in our school district when an office position posted for our elementary school. I was interviewing as state restrictions were ramping up and I got the job but have not been able to start the job due to schools being closed. This puts me in a weird position of not qualifying for unemployment since I voluntarily quit my last job (on good terms) but didn't actually start my new job. I am appealing that to see if I have any recourse (probably not). I had plans of working for a summer camp program and have also been hired for that BUT that situation is obviously very uncertain. Mike works a retail schedule and with the kids + no child care options, I have to be thoughtful about what type of job I take for the summer. This is why summer camp was perfect- kids come with, my oldest was going to be a counselor in training. This is the camp they have attended for the past 2 summers while I was working full time. Great fit for us.
5. I have been doing my best to keep in touch with family and friends for my own mental health and to be aware of the kids' mental and emotional health through all of this. What a crazy, surreal experience. Zoom/Skype and the like have been super helpful. My phone conversations have been much longer and much more fulfilling. Having good friends is always such a positive in life and in times like this, friendship is absolutely priceless.
6. I have made a concerted effort to limit my news consumption as well as reading too many Facebook posts that move into contentious territory. All it does is piss me off. That's it. Nothing changes, I just get stressed.
7. I have a diverse group of people in my circle from die hard Trump haters to totally pro Trump to this is all a conspiracy (bill gates, 5G, microchip vaccines). When I found out my Dad tested positive for COVID19, one of my conspiracy friends tried to go down the road of false reporting, false tests, "I would take my dad out of the facility" and I had to shut her down. WTF is wrong with people? I would NEVER say that to someone who was worried about their loved one. Even if I was thinking it- just, no. She said I hope the nursing home is communicating with you- they are 100% and have since my Dad has been there- and that advice is appreciated. But to start with the other stuff? Not the time...luckily she has not tried to revisit this.
8. Familywise, we are hanging tough. Of course, we are getting on each other's nerves and some days are just hard. But overall, things are very average. The kids are handling online school fairly well-- I keep emphasizing that there really aren't many more school days left so just buckle down and get 'er done. The upside of me not working is that I am available to help them. I can tell you that if I were working from home right now in my claims job, I have no idea what they would be doing because I would not have been able to do a damn thing to assist them between the hours of 9 and 5:30. So we may be broke but I have been able to support them through this.
9. Our dog Sully 100% loves having everyone home. He is a little bored some days since he is used to going to "doggie daycare" once a week and playing with his furry friends but they have been closed anyway and the cost would not be doable on our current income. They are due to reopen later this month so I may have to squeeze in a day for him at some point. He has been getting lots of walks, hikes, playtime and treats but Sully loves other dogs. We have been toying with the idea of a 2nd dog. Probably a stupid decision but there are a couple of foster-to-adopt dogs we are thinking about...
10. I have nothing for this one but I made it a top 10 list so I feel obligated to fulfill my initial intention. If anyone does still read, drop a comment. Maybe you will add a post to your dusty old blog as well? I came into this post with a litany of complaints but what has come out has been a little less bitter so there is hope for me yet!!
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