I am in a bit of a bad mood. I am tired, crabby and unreasonable. Don't you wish we were hanging out right now?
I would like to blame pregnancy hormones and maybe that's all it is...but I am really overwhelmed by the daily grind. I am tired of yelling and battling the boys out the door in the morning, tired of feeling like I never get to complete the few little chores I have in mind, tired of having even the moments of fun tainted by this mood of mine. And- despite evidence to the contrary in this very post- I AM tired of complaining about how I feel.
I am wondering if a recent loss of a friendship has anything to do with this? That makes more sense to me than just blaming pregnancy. I don't recall feeling quite so stressed during pregnancy in the past. To briefly explain, my best friend of many years sent me a card stating that she was ending our friendship- that's it, no discussion, no real explanation, nothing more than that. I did try to call her but she hasn't called me back.
I am at a loss- I don't know if I should reach out to her again or if I should just accept it and move on. The proud side of me wants to just say forget her and move on...chalk it up to "sh*t happens" and count myself lucky to have many good friends in my life. The other side of me wants to try and preserve whatever may be left of that friendship- to reach out one last time in the hopes of at least letting her know that I do care, that I don't want to be completely estranged from her, I hold no ill will against her. She just blind-sided me.
Looking back, she has not always been a good friend. We had a couple of rifts over the years but they were more situational & we were able to work through them and move on. But I don't know that she has ever offered any apologies to me (when they would have been warranted). I have always just worked to preserve the friendship and we just let the problem fall by the wayside. I just thought we were both good at not holding grudges. In retrospect, I'm not so sure.
What would you do? A letter, another phone call, nothing at all? It's really, really sad. I don't like to lose people--especially like this. There was no blow up, no climactic event. Would I feel better if she had told me off? At least then I would have a true sense of closure.
2 comments:
I'm sorry about your friend. I had a best best best friend from 7th grade until college. We did EVERYTHING together...never got invited to anything without the other person. Lived at each other's houses, went on family vacations together, etc. We went to different colleges, but stayed in touch...visiting each other when possible and still hanging out in the summers. She was in my wedding, and I just thought we'd always be friends. I got married and she went to med school...with some of my college friends, coincidentally. So we stayed in touch and I visited her while on visits to Ohio, etc etc. And then I got pregnant. I eagerly wrote her an e-mail...and never got a response. I tried calling...no response. I sent a birth announcement. No response. I literally have never heard from her. My mother is still good friends with her family, and my MOM has spoken to her several times...each time she tells my mother how cute my kids are and my mother gives her my e-mail address. My mother calls me each time and tells me how sweet she is and how friendly and how she just doesn't understand why she won't contact me. And still...for 6 years now...I have had no contact. I send X-mas cards for a while, but with no response, I just finally stopped. And I have let it go. No ill will...just an understanding that we moved in different directions. I think my life may cause her pain (for the direction her life has not gone in)...or perhaps I am just boring to her now.
I tell you this long drawn-out story to let you know that I understand the no closure. For a long time I just wanted her to tell me WHY she was shutting me out...just TELL me I'm boring so I can hate you and move on ;) I think if I ever see her we will be polite...but I don't think I'll ever be more than that again...with her non-confrontation she has hurt me enough.
Good luck finding peace with it. You have many more years of friendship than I did, so I imagine it will be much harder for you.
I would not reach out to her again. You clearly left the door open for her, should she choose to come back around and play nice.
In the meantime, I think it's good to mourn the whole thing. Write about it here all you want. Talk to anyone else (your Mom?) who you can trust. It will hurt a little less with time.
I'm sorry.
Post a Comment