Obsessive Much?

Okay friends, I gotta come clean...

Remember a while back when the girl formerly known as my very best friend kicked me to the curb in a very impersonal and permanent way? Well, if you don't remember, go here to refresh. I realize I never named her in that post and I'm not sure if I did it anywhere else but let's just call her 'Betsy' to keep things easy---I don't know anyone named Betsy so it seems like a safe choice for me.

I just found out that one of our mutual friends is invited to Betsy's wedding. My friend told me in a very careful way, obviously not wanting to hurt my feelings but equally not wanting to keep it from me. I think she & her husband might feel stuck in the middle? I told her that it is completely up to them if they want to attend the wedding & that I would never put them in the middle of anything. Also, I pointed out that there really is no 'middle' since Betsy no longer makes any contact with me & completely ignored the few attempts that I made.

Here is the point of irritation for me: When Betsy and I were still talking, we were discussing her wedding plans & how many guests they would invite. I brought up this couple, asking if she would invite them. She quickly told me that she would not be inviting them since they don't keep in touch with her anymore. Betsy was clearly kind of pissy about this- especially since I do keep in touch with them. As far as I know, this hasn't changed in recent times...she just invited them out of the blue. I just find it weird & maybe kind of two-faced? I don't know, I just found it odd.

I really am fine with whatever they decide to do & would not be angry if they end up going. The immature side of me might like them to go & then report back to me on the details. Which might sound like I am looking for an opportunity to get some digs in but isn't really the case. The sad reality is that I still can't believe that this girl is totally out of my life. I never, ever thought our friendship would be severed so completely & irrevocably. I can't believe that I haven't been a part of this happy, exciting time in her life. I feel like I walked through the tough stuff with her and now, when all her dreams are coming true, I'm left out of it. I don't have the chance to celebrate & toast to her happiness. She did so much to make my wedding special and now I can't even attend hers. It sucks!

As much as I'd like to think that I'm better off (because maybe she wasn't always such a good friend to me), I can't go there just yet. It's still as if it just happened. It's been over a year and I am still trying to figure out when will I be able to let this go. I don't worry over it every day but I think about it far too often.