I am feeling...
...mixed feelings about the holidays. It's a bit of a break not having to shop- the only upside of financial troubles. My mom is giving us a little loan so we can take care of kid gifts. Luckily, we will be able to repay her in March. Part of me feels guilty about this not being a super-gifty Christmas. Another part of me feels kind of refreshed by it...no crazy shopping lists or worries about making time for it all. That side of it is definitely a positive.
...the need to work on being positive. One of the reasons why I stepped back from this blog was that I was getting overwhelmed by my own negativity. It was dragging me down and writing was bringing out the worst in me for some reason. I am still a work in progress but am in a better mindset at this point. Thank goodness!
...frustrated by my job search. I have a prospect right now that I am hoping will finally come through. My perfect job solution would be to watch another child or baby in our home. But that opportunity has not yet presented itself so until then, I'm working on other options.
...worried about Liam having yet another ear infection. He denies pain but his ears start to look a bit waxy/goopy whenever he is brewing an infection--he also has a killer pain tolerance so lack of pain or a fever mean nothing. I think we might just take a trip to the doctor tomorrow to check it out.
...ready to get some holiday baking done. Cookies are in order once school is on break. Can you believe the boys have TWO weeks off? This Friday is the last school day before the break. I'm already trolling for play dates with friends.
...jealous of people who have newborns or are currently pregnant. I'm not sure it is a reflection of any desire to have another baby. I think I'd just like to feel like it would be okay to be thinking about another baby. Our financial situation makes it seem irresponsible in my mind. I don't like to think about a new life in terms of dollars and cents. I think my jealousy in more related to wanting to be in a good place.
...happy that Michael and Liam are singing in the children's choir at our church on Christmas Eve. They have been to 3 practices- this last one the practiced in the choir loft--the boys loved that part! One more rehearsal and then it will be game time. I can't wait to hear all those lovely little voices.
...upset by some recent news that our archdiocese (Philadelphia) is going to be closing some churches and schools. Apparently my home parish is on the chopping block (which makes the above excitement a bit bittersweet-this could be our last Christmas in this parish). I have such a history with this church- this is where I went to "Sunday school", elementary school, all my sacraments received here, married here, all 3 kids baptized here. It makes me sad! Our church is not only beautiful in it's appearance but we always feel welcome there- no matter how loud our children are during mass! It's a truly warm and wonderful feeling and I hope we can find it at one of the other local parishes.
...excited about helping out with a holiday breakfast at Michael's school tomorrow. I get to take a little glimpse into his world!
....tired! And my tailbone still hurts. Luckily it does not interfere with my ability to sleep.
On that note....sweet dreams!
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing all that is going on with you - you have a LOT going on. I really hope you are able to find some employment - the babysitting option would be so great!
So sad about your church - I hope that doesn't happen. I would be very sad about that, too.
I'm sorry about your church. I didn't know you were in Philadelphia. I grew up in the city and nearby (Bucks and Montgomery Counties, my mom and stepfather live in Delaware County now).
hang in there! holidays can be so crazy, can't they? we're totally trying to make this a SANE holiday - and season- but idk what expectations we're dealing with (boys and mine!). hmm, sounds like I need to write a blog post about it :)
to help your mood- what about a paper gratitude chain? i.e. just cut up a bunch of red/green construction paper into strips, and each day take 10 minutes with the kids (maybe individually) and have everyone say something they are thankful for that day - then you can link them adn hang it up - adding to it each day. sorta a reverse advent countdown sort of thing.
you could write everyone's "thing" down on one link, or if the kids are into it then give them one link to color/draw and you just write in their thankful thing on it. guess it depends on how big you want the chain, too, lol!
and you know what- it doesn't have to be every day. don't stress about it, just do it when you can and you'll have a nice looong reminder of how blessed you are ;)
I really hope our church doesn't close either but it sounds like it's already a done deal from what I've heard.
StephLove: That's cool that you grew up around here. We are in Chester County (not to be confused with Chester the city-LOL).
MamaK: We do a Thank You prayer each with the kids- actually it's a book we got from preschool. I don't think my attitude has completely tainted them just yet-thankfully! I like the idea of the chain but like you mentioned, I just feel pressured by it and then the point is missed. I'm definitely in a better mindset than I was a couple weeks ago.
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