Hibernation

I love my snooze button.  I always have.  Even though I don't necessarily need to set an artificial alarm these days, I still do.  Because every so often, those little ones decide to sleep in a bit.  And we have kindergarten and preschool and appointments and other various obligations.  Sleeping in isn't always an option.

When Mike is home in the mornings, he generally gets up first and takes care of breakfast for the kids.  It's lovely.  I stay in bed, dozing off, sometimes actually going back to full-on sleep.  I stay there longer than I should.  Not because I don't want to join the chaos (okay, sometimes I really don't want to). It's just that sometimes it's easier to remain in the sleepy state of no cares, no worries, no rushing around.

Right now, I feel like I am finally waking up after a long sleep.
In many ways, I suppose.  It's funny how much easier it is to just keep sleeping.
Of course, it's also much messier in the long run because we all know what happens when you let things slide for too long.

For all the time I spend worrying over this or that, so many times I am focused on all the wrong things. It's amazing how avoidant I can be.  It's like, a talent of mine.  A useless one.  I can ignore and forget and replace and skip and make excuses with an ease that is unsettling.

Then one day, the writing is on the wall.  And I have to look at it and realize what I've been missing while I'm busy living in the in between.

Change is hard.
A simple intention is a nice place to start but it doesn't necessarily effect change.

Recently, I've been starting my days with certain intentions in mind.  And it's so disheartening when, not ten minutes into the day, all those ambitions vanish into the thin air of reality.
Failure is swift.  I feel so powerless and that feeling sets the tone for my day.  Self-fulfilling prophecies are no joke.

I don't even know what I am referencing here-
I just started writing and here I am.
The feeling is real though it's not depression.
But it is a sense of  helplessness- and it's time to figure that out.
Time to work it out.

Writing has been lost to me for so long now.
Just another thing I've accepted.
Why?

I feel, I hope, that my time in the waiting room is over.
Maybe I needed a little break but I've stayed far too long.