33

33 weeks pregnant...the time is going very fast and rather slow- all at the same time. A day can drag on for an eternity but the week is over before I know it!

I can't believe it's Fall. October is here and almost gone. I find myself caught between two very strong desires...

One is the desire to hold on to what is familiar and known. To stay in the present and soak in every minute before making the jump to a family of five. To see Michael and Liam, in all of their beauty, where they are right now. To take advantage of time with Mike because that will be the first thing to go, right?

The other is the desire to prepare and be ready to meet this new baby, who I already feel as though I know. He or she IS Sassy. That is, if in utero movement is any indication. I think the activity level of the baby, while reassuring & at times freaky, is also fueling my anxiety about having everything ready. I know we have done this before...but I also know how HARD it is to complete any extra tasks once you live in newborn world. So I want to have as much done as possible. And of course, the mental prep is in there too--as in me telling myself "Jane, you will need to actually WAKE UP when the newborn cries, not just wait for the patter of little feet down the hall way coming to join you in your bed"

These two desires are at odds with one another. It's hard to be focused on the moment when there is a long, long list in your head just begging to be checked off. We just put the boys in the same bedroom and that transition is going fairly well overall. I think that once I have everything sorted between the two bedrooms, have a few clean baby clothes ready and the cradle put back together, then I will start to feel less stressed.

There is a big part of me that suspects this baby is going to arrive early--not super early but I don't think I am going to make it until December 10th. So with November rapidly approaching, I feel like time is slipping away from me.

I am trying to keep some degree of balance-for my own sanity and for our family.
It's a struggle but it's a really exciting time and I am keeping that worry bug of mine at bay so that I don't miss out on the fun! Wish me luck as worrying comes more naturally to me ;)