Psyching Myself Out

I have a vivid imagination. I imagine that I can do EVERYTHING that needs to be done, ALL of the time and that I can do it PERFECTLY.
I can make sure everyone is clothed, fed, engaged, active, comforted, clean, rested, happy, and healthy...every day, all of the time.
I can also make sure the house is organized, decluttered, baby proofed, inviting, and free of excessive dust...every day, all of the time.
In my mind, I plan ways to make this happen. I try to see how far I can stretch myself. I have lists, supplies, and the most essential ingredient- caffeine.

And somehow, at the end of every day, I have to look in the mirror and accept reality. I am in fact, NOT superwoman. And children need stuff all.day.long. I can't do everything--in fact, if I cross one thing off a list of ten, that's the measure of success. If I managed to do just one fun activity with the kids, that's amazing. If I only have the dinner dishes to take care of at night, that represents a good day. If the toys aren't totally taking over the living room, that works for me. If I can take a few moments to read blogs/email/facebook, I am happy for that indulgence.

Despite the lowering of standards, I often feel a bit defeated at the end of each day...there are too many "you should haves" playing out in my mind. I often compare myself to my friends (including bloggy friends!). Friends who seem to have all of this figured out. I never feel like I measure up.

I can write some of this out this week because I'm not feeling the defeat quite so much right now. Things are kind of perking along nicely right now...this week feels like everyone is settled into life as a family of five. For this moment, I am grateful. I trust moments like these to remind me that no one is perfect and that I am doing just fine.

When I started out with this post a few days ago, I had a point in mind. I've lost that point along the way. Maybe it was a reminder to not compare myself too harshly with others--because they might have struggles I am not aware of. Maybe it was me wondering if I am my own worst enemy because I do tend to psych myself out by focusing only on the things that aren't going right.

Although it has become a bit muddled, I am leaving it. Because it might be comforting to read on a rough day....because even if something isn't perfect, it might just be good enough...