Patience and The Right Word

Part 1 of 2

Today was a test of patience.  The kids were really working hard to wear me down to my very last nerve.

I hate the feeling I get when I realize I am rapidly running out of nerves.  Because it means that I am going to start yelling...alot.  It means I will feel my blood pressure rise (and I have borderline low blood pressure under standard conditions so I really feel it).  I will be slapped in the face with the knowledge that I am not in control of every situation.  It is not a fun experience for me.

As I type this, all 3 children are sleeping peacefully, freshly bathed, smelling of Aveeno baby wash (the bottle with the light blue cap smells AWESOME) and vanilla lotion.  No one is wailing, whining or caterwauling (credit for that new vocab. word goes to Giselle!). They were exhausted which is probably why the afternoon/evening were so rough and sleep set in so quickly.  Sweet relief!

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Part 2 of 2

These are the background thoughts to the idea of a forgiveness theme for the year.  The two situations I am about to describe are the things that led me to this idea.

1.  Almost 2 years ago, Mike's would-be business partner borrowed money from us.  Mike was working for him at the time.  Mike had cashed out some 401k money with the intention of using part of it to pay off one of our cars.  Would-be business partner, let's call him "Joe", knew about this plan and asked to borrow some money.  It was supposed to be for a couple of months.  Well, as you can imagine, a couple of months became 6 months, 12 months and so on.  I was really upset about this situation.  Very angry in fact.  Joe laid Mike off (they never became actual partners) in April of 2010.  That was the start of some very bad times for us.  Anyway, this is one of the areas where I've been holding on to ALOT of anger.  After mostly ignoring the debt and Mike's attempts to settle it, Joe FINALLY came around a couple of months ago and a payment plan was agreed upon.  So far, it's going well.  Once they established that, Joe asked Mike if he would be willing to come work for him part-time here and there, whenever Joe needed extra help and Mike was available.  At first I was completely against this.  I thought, why would we set ourselves up again?  (He also had a history of not paying Mike on time for his regular paycheck).  Then one day, I began to wonder....what good is this doing us?  Joe needs extra help, we need to bring in more money, Mike is willing to work for Joe part time.  So we came up with the idea that as long as Joe pays Mike for the day's work on that same day, then it's a good situation for everyone.  Joe agreed and it has worked out great.  It's one instance where letting go of some anger and opening the door just a bit has worked out on many levels.  It's nice to have some extra income but it's even nicer to be able to let that bit of the past go and move forward.

2.  The other thought I had about forgiveness is related to family issues but could include other people as well.  Mike is currently arguing with one of his siblings (I know, again!  They are a very dramatic family.)  It seems to me that whenever Mike is not on speaking terms with a sibling, the effects of that spill over to me and the kids.  I am an adult, I can handle it... but my kids are innocent bystanders.  I called my SIL "Mel" and specifically made sure that everything was okay between her and I (Mel said that it is).  But no matter what, the kids are always impacted by this stuff because I am shut out too.  And I'm even more worked up when Mike's mom puts a wall up (because she hates when her kids argue with each other).  It upsets me and angers me ALOT.  Sooo, that is going on right now, which is unfortunate.  I'm trying really hard not to be angry with my mom-in-law.  I'm struggling with it actually.  Because I feel that she is in a way punishing my kids for an argument that is not their fault and that isn't right.  She hasn't seen our kids since December 27th.  We normally see her every week or every other week.  I have maintained contact with her and with Mel.  I have not seen any reciprocated efforts.  I don't expect to, at least not soon.  This is the area where I think I will struggle with the idea of forgiveness.  Because we are all guilty at one time or another of being petty, of avoiding unpleasant situations without considering everyone involved, of holding a grudge towards the wrong person.

Added into this mix, my other sis-in-law "M" is pregnant and plans are being made for her shower.  I am pretty much being left out of that process...I am certain it is because of the above mentioned situation.  I certainly don't expect to be a main planner but under regular circumstances, I would be included more than I have been.  I'm struggling to let things play out and see if it changes.  I've already offered my help to my MIL and Mel...we'll see.



I remain hopeful about both situations.  But if I am being honest, the second one has me really worried!

***Afterthought***
I must have been feeling bold when I wrote this b/c I don't usually spill so much here.  Especially when I know that people I know IRL read here, at least on occassion. Well, it's the truth...so there you have it!