Uneventful

Well, the first day of daycare was rather unremarkable. Unfortunately, "Daycare Eve" was (insert sarcastic tone here) packed full of fun...

Timeline:
11:20pm- Michael went to bed with me and fell asleep rather quickly
12:00am- Mike was knocking on our front door and then throwing rocks at our bedroom window to wake me up because a)He was locked out of the house and b)His cell phone was dead. So I finally heard him and had to go downstairs to let him in.
2:30am- Liam woke up crying. Between Mike and I, we spent approximately 1.5 hours consoling him, changing his diaper, sucking snot out of his nose, etc.
5:50am- I finally got out of bed (I should have been up at 5:30).

Based on everyone's lack of sleep and my nervousness about the upcoming work day, I went in to work solo and Mike brought the boys to daycare around 8:45am.

I am happy to report that the day itself went well... other than the fact that I sent peanut butter in the lunches and the daycare is "nut free". I felt bad but at the same time, they didn't give me my "Welcome" packet until this morning and I didn't have the chance to read it because I was running around like a crazy woman. You think they would have mentioned the "nut free" thing up front?

I am both happy and relieved that Michael and Liam did well in their new 'school'. I am hoping that they are okay with this as a long term situation.

I am in desperate need of sleep soooo GOOD NIGHT FRIENDS.

Don't Wanna Think About It

Tomorrow is D-DAY...Daycare Day for Michael and Liam.

I've been trying not to think about it lest it make me too anxious...and weepy. I've also been talking it up to the kids and focusing on the positive as much as I can.

LUCKILY, Mike does not have to work and will be coming along for the first drop-off. Mostly because I have an ULTRA busy day and can't really linger at the child care center for very long. I am especially worried about Liam- who has developed a runny nose in the past 24 hours.

Oh and Michael is still awake...pause for 5 minutes... I just came back downstairs after responding to a scream that could wake the dead. Michael is now sitting on the sofa watching Sprout b/c I still have stuff to do and can't reach the stink bug that he spotted in his room and is now terrified. Sigh...we are going to get off to a great start tomorrow, right?

Wish us luck...wish me the ability to avoid tears

BTW, one of these days, I will explain my job in a nutshell. The "project" I am a part of is pretty interesting and involves a screening test for autism.

Sweet dreams everyone!

Odds and Ends

1. The boys visited daycare today to break the ice. I predict that Michael will do great but will have a tough time napping there at first. I predict that Liam will have a hard time being away from Mommy&Daddy AND out of his comfort zone...but I think he will be exhausted and nap just fine. I'll let you know next week if my predictions were accurate.

2. I am very happy that tomorrow is Friday and that I have just about made it through this week. I have been feeling a little bit better each day. Funny thing is, I am much LESS tired. I knew that being home with 2 active toddlers was draining but WOW, I have so much energy. I'm not kidding! We'll see if that changes once I have to get the kiddies out the door, too. I will need to get up about 30 minutes earlier. But if I adjust my bedtime-BTW, I have been getting more sleep because I'm not up all night blogging!- then I should be okay.

3. I am THANKFUL to have had this transition week so that all changes didn't occur at once. I think it was helpful to all of us.

4. At some point, maybe I will get around to talking about Thanksgiving. We had an awesome time at my father-in-law's...we went to Mystic Aquarium (which the boys LOVED)...but other than that it was your basic holiday. Maybe I will stick to a picture post with some brief comments.

Positives:
*I did not have a breakdown this week
*No one had a breakdown this week
*I think I like my new job
*I think I can handle this working thing
*I think Michael and Liam will do okay with the changes
*My parents are awesome and have been SOOOO helpful to us this past week

It's weird to have Friday be a day that I look forward to. For such a long time, it hasn't really mattered much. With me working part-time and the fact that Mike often works week-ends, Friday sort of lost significance for a while. So on that note...

TGIF!

Hope Floats

Okay, so the only reason for that post title is because something awesome happened this afternoon.

The daycare director at my new job stopped by to tell me...drum roll please...
MICHAEL & LIAM CAN GO THERE!! I am very excited that this worked out because while I was hopeful, I wasn't counting on it. So we need to work out the details but by next Tuesday, they will be in the swing of things. I am introducing the idea to the boys so they are not blindsided and they will visit this week to break the ice.

Other than that, I felt strange today. Aside from trying to learn the ins and outs of this new job, my mind was in a fog. I wasn't weepy or anything but I don't feel like myself. I made it through the day, it was fine but I am still lacking that spark of excitement that I would like to have.

When I got home, the boys were thrilled to see me. Michael was his usual self, happy to see me but nothing out of the ordinary yet. My little Liam, well, he hugged and hugged me...and sat on my lap for about 15 minutes, putting his head on my shoulder and just being a little lovey bear. No tears but wow, he broke my heart with all that cuddling...like he was making up for lost time!
It was the best and worst part of my day.

All the signs are there that this is a GOOD thing, that this job is going to WORK...the opportunity, the timing, the salary, and now the daycare coming through is just the perfection of it all. What is wrong with me? Why can't I see this for what it is?
Oh, just keep praying for me and please don't think I am too much of a baby for my lack of ability to cope with this change.

Tomorrow

So here we are, the night before I start my new job adventure. I am feeling a mix of emotions but mostly a sense of dread. Isn't that terrible? This great opportunity and all I can think is "I don't want to be doing this!"

I am hoping that as I get my feet wet and we establish a routine, the sense of dread will decrease and I will be able to find the good stuff.

Wow and I really wanted to post about Thanksgiving, etc. but my brain is cluttered and foggy. This is going to be harder for me than I thought.

I know I am a big baby and I need to suck it up and move on.
Right now, it's just easier said than done.

Positives:
I am THANKFUL that the boys are not starting daycare until next week...We have this week covered...It makes it easier for me knowing that Michael and Liam are still in a comfort zone, even though I am more absent than what is typical.

I am HOPEFUL that the onsite daycare will be able to take these boys now so that I can be more at ease. I think this would be a great setting for them.

I'll keep you posted :)

Get this...

I have totally blown my 'post everyday' commitment- thanks to Thanksgiving and our trip to Connecticut. Bummer...

Anyway, so, on Tuesday, I told the in-home daycare person 'Denise' that the boys would be starting there this coming week and that I would get the paperwork and $ to her on Sunday or Monday.

THEN...

On Wednesday, the child care director at my workplace called to say that it is quite likely she will have an opening for BOTH boys...but she won't know until this Monday (yeah, my first day on the job). That is great news but seriously, could we cut it any closer??

So now, I have to try and arrange things for the week with nothing set in stone. But if the end result is that Michael and Liam can go my work daycare, then I can deal with a few more days of uncertainty and God bless my parents who are totally willing to help us through this transitional week.

I will post about Thanksgiving and all things fun when I get back to my regular computer because this one at my father-in-law's leaves much to be desired (but it's better than nothing and they have been awesome to us!!!)

Positives: With the stressful week coming up, I am grateful to be enjoying a relatively stress-free holiday :)

I Missed One!

Yeah, I did miss a day of blogging...I feel so lost! There is just too much to do and not enough time to do it. I know that everyone feels that stress on a regular basis.

Here is the breakdown:
1. We've been trying to find a daycare and time is running out- I start my job December 1st
2. Thanksgiving is coming and we are going to my father-in-law's in Connecticut. So I've been trying to get ready for that trip (we leave tomorrow). I also have my last full day of work at my current job tomorrow- ugh!
3. I have been battling a bout of migraines...luckily today was fine
4. Trying to feel semi-organized before going back to work full time and well, yeah, I'm not feeling it.

I think we have a daycare situation. It's a small in-home deal. I really like the lady who runs it and I am hoping it is a place that Michael and Liam will feel comfortable. Keep your fingers crossed.

It is not an ideal time to start them in daycare because we will be away Tuesday-Saturday, come home, have Sunday to get it together and then they will start Monday. If all goes as planned, they will do Mon & Tues for a few hours in the morning....then go for a full day on Thursday. This lady can't take them full time just yet but should be able to in the coming months.

It's not ideal in some ways (scheduling) but the only other viable option we had was a daycare center and while it is lovely and I think it would work--the price is OUTRAGEOUS! I just can't justify it- especially when there is another option that is a smaller setting, an actual home, very clean/organized and just more like what Michael and Liam are used to.

Mike and I decided we will give this a try and for some reason it doesn't work out, we can always cough up the big bucks at that time.

The daycare at my work does not have openings and probably won't for at least 4 months soooo we are on the wait list there and will make this work in the meantime.

I think this daycare thing is our most stressful kid-related decision to date. We are both just hoping that it works out well for the boys :)

POSITIVES:
*We are slowly getting ready for a big change for our family but I feel like we are making well-thought choices. And if something isn't working, we have backup plans!

Daycare Option #2

I went to my new job today to fill out all the HR paperwork type stuff. I officially start December 1st. I also visited their daycare. I really, really liked it-- as much as I can like a daycare. The fact that the daycare is literally right down the hall from my desk is a HUGE plus. I liked their set-up and overall program. I really liked the director- she was warm and professional and very nice to talk to.

So what's the problem you ask? They have an opening right now for Michael but not for Liam. UGH!! So I filled out the applications anyway, the director is going to look things over and see if she can find a way to make it work. This entails calling a couple people who are on the list but not starting for a few months...to make sure they are definitely interested. I don't feel like this is going to end up working out right now but I can still have hope, right?

Worst case- I find another suitable situation to tide me over until there are openings for both boys. Oh, I just hope this works out! In the meantime, I am looking at another in home daycare tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Positives:
I actually like a daycare and didn't burst into tears at all today :)
I had the pleasure of reading about some good stuff from 2 fellow bloggers Erin and Emily
Thanks Ladies!!

Option #1 in Daycare Land (edited)

I saw daycare option #1...and I just don't know. I didn't get any uneasy feeling about it but I didn't love it. The fact that I made it through the visit without bursting into tears is a plus.

Two things I didn't like:
*A little bit cramped for space but okay. They have awesome outdoor space for the kids to play and for the most part they will not be stuck inside all day unless the weather is really bad.
*They don't do breakfast.

The breakfast thing might seem stupid but we will be leaving the house rather early-7:00am. I am not a morning person and can't really imagine feeding the kids in the flurry of chaos that will be our morning routine. Maybe it will work out but that makes me nervous.

On the good side:
*All the kids there seemed happy and content. No one was crying hysterically.
*The place seemed organized and clean.
*The staff were attentive to the kids and there was a clear structure.
*The owner answered my questions and was nice to talk to.

If you do daycare, what do you do? How did your kids adjust? What would you recommend?

AfterPostAddition: I've been thinking about this all day. I wasn't thrilled with this daycare but I can't tell you a specific reason. There were alot of positives but I was only there a short time. Nothing alarmed me but I just didn't feel the way I'd like to feel about our daycare choice. Maybe I won't feel that way about any option. The search will continue...

Briefly...

It's been a bit of a downer day for me and I just don't have the oomph to write much about it. In a nutshell, major anxiety/sadness centered around the idea that I will be leaving my boys in the care of another in the very near future. I can't even wrap my head around it.

I am grateful for a job opportunity, no doubt. But it is a different kind of sacrifice for me to give up such precious time with my boys. They are already growing up too fast and I don't want to miss anything. Moms do this all the time- how do they do it?

I am hopeful that it will all work out but in the meantime, I am just sad.

Positives:
*I am so thankful for Mike who is so understanding of my feelings and when it really counts, he seems to know what I need to hear.
*Michael had a dentist appointment today and was so cooperative. Last time didn't go so well but today he was really curious and they at least got a good look at his pearly whites.
*Liam, oh my little Liam...something is going on with his teeth- early 2 yr molars?- because he is acting like a teething baby. But he is such a ray of sunshine that even that can't get to him!

$Daycare$

As many of you already know, daycare is EXPENSIVE! I am waiting on call backs from several in-home daycares. I called one of the chain daycare centers in our area and holy $h*t... it was ALOT of money. Somewhere in my mind, I knew daycare was expensive but this is ridiculous. I think the fact that the boys are both toddlers makes it pricey. I was also completely spoiled by my last sitter because she only charged me $100 per week for an infant!

I am praying that I can find a good in-home situation. More personal and less expensive. Anything is better than $2215/month-- no I am not exaggerating.

This is a short update but I want to try and post every day this month. So I am taking this opportunity to post while I have a few minutes.