It's been a bit of a disturbing day here. I don't mean to be cryptic, especially since I just complained about people doing that on Facebook.
But if you've read here for a while, you might know that I struggle with behavioral concerns (mostly for Michael) and that I am always trying to differentiate normal and age-appropriate versus budding behavioral problem. I feel like the preschool age is where things really start & if that's the case, I don't want to miss the signals...I want to seek support as soon as I can. I don't want to be in denial about what's really happening. Equally, I don't want to overreact...
So tell me, friends--where would you draw the line between typical four-year-old behavior and behavior that could be considered over-the-top for the age? Feel free to use examples. I have a gut feeling about this but am eager for outside input, just to insure that my expectations aren't out of line.
I can fill you in on the day another time because right now, I don't want to taint your answers.
PS- 20/30 days posted for November...not great but way above my recent monthly average :)
7 comments:
This is a little too vague for me to answer. Are you talking aggression? Attitude towards peers? Back talk? Lying? Destruction, fits/tantrums, empathy, appropriate boundries, etc etc etc?
There are just too many aspects of "behavior of a 4 year old". ;)
Okay- let's see if I can clarify: level of tantrum & degree of physical aggression would be too areas of interest. An example to comment on: what happens when thing don't go his/her way. Give me what you consider to be the worst case scenario (I realize behavior varies greatly day-to-day and sometimes moment-to-moment).
two...not too...sorry, typing fast!
Another way to think of it: You would be truly worried if X happened. Fill in "X".
Hmm...yeah, hard to say. I guess I'd be concerned if the aggression is physically dangerous for others in the house, if it's to the point that it's negatively affecting the whole family on a daily basis, and if it's the only reaction they ever have is over-the-top aggression?
With your background, you know what is concerning, but I know it's harder to tell sometimes with your own kid. I was completely convinced when Katy was a baby that she had Sensory Processing Disorder, and she even tested high on the Profile. But by the time she was 18 months she had outgrown it. So long term consistent concern would be another factor.
I don't know when behavior moves into a worrisome issue. Lily is driving me CRAZY...and she is 4. I remember loving 4 when Andrew was there, and all my mom friends were having issues. I guess I just got lucky ;)
When Lily doesn't get her way, she usually screams. Loudly. She does not hear reason or even consequences. She just keeps persisting and screaming and persisting. Ugh.
We also have back talk, which I have a hard time staying calm through. We also have manipulation of her brothers, bullying, and more screaming. And constantly pushing boundries. I feel like I can't do anything fun or out of the ordinary (like dessert for dinner or a later bedtime), because she will try and take it all the way to the bank forever.
I am very firm with Lily. To the point that I will physically take her to her room and hold the door shut. We have immediate consequences...like this morning she was whining for a cookie, I told her if she asked one more time I'd throw them away, she whined immediately for a cookie...and I threw them away. Which is a real bummer for the other kids...but I figure it is a learning experience for them...and it is only cookies after all. I wish I could say that all my firmness is working. It is not. I soldier on, because it is the only thing I know how to do.
I honestly think she doesn't hear us, though. She gets such tunnel vision for what her desires are, she is unable to see the forest for the trees. I am often at my wits end with her, and have a hard time enjoying her good moments, because she fluctuates so rapidly between psycho screaming Lily and cute talkative Lily. She is also an angel at school.
I think I would worry for the same reason as Emily...if it began to endanger Lily or her siblings. Also, if she was exhibiting no ability to control herself while in a rage. But Lily can turn her tantrums off and on, so I know her behavior is a choice.
Not helpful, I'm sure, but that is my current life with a 4 year old.
Giselle- That's a good point about whether or not the behavior seems like a choice on Michael's part...I need to give that some more thought b/c I don't think I know the answer to that question. And I think that answer is an important one. Thanks :)
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