WHAT was Santa thinking?

She didn't really knock me over...but she came close!

This gift will no doubt provide us with hours of entertainment on those winter days when it's too chilly to spend alot of time outside.  I have plans for an obstacle course with this ride included :)

A little of this, a little of that

1.  I never officially told you that the baby over here is none other than CHLOE JANE :)

2.  Liam took a sip out of the holy water bowl at church a few weeks ago....just a little sip- no biggie, right?  He's still here so I guess it was okay.

3.  Liam is also the boy who attempted to pull up flowers at Longwood Gardens when we went in December.  Luckily, the flowers were not actually planted so they just lifted right out and went right back in...whew!

4.  Yesterday, Chloe jumped off of the ottoman onto the floor.  She landed on her feet and did a quick balance check with her hands...ridiculous...this girl is going to give me a heart attack for sure.

5.  Chloe is the first child to actually require the highchair safety strap.  By the time the boys could have stood up in the chair, they were too big to squirm out if the tray was in as close as possible.  Chloe, who is smaller, was standing up on her highchair yesterday when I turned around to hand her a sandwich.   Safety strap is now in place...she is not happy with the restriction.

6.  Michael was arguing with me about something he didn't want to do.  I repeated my direction and then told him that I am the Mommy and I am in charge.  He told me that I was just kidding myself (WTH?!).  I told him that he wouldn't think I was kidding when he ended up in his room in timeout.  He had no further comment.

7.  Michael drew a picture of me and then asked me how to spell "Mommy".  He then asked me how to spell "Jane".  We've been talking alot about names and spelling.  And I sort of like the idea that he wanted to include my 'other name' on his picture.

Swirling Thoughts

I'm quite certain that I haven't done THIS amount of thinking/analyzing/pondering in at least 4 years.  I feel like all of the sudden, there is always something being mulled over in the back of my mind.  Some is serious stuff as mentioned in my last post.  Some is not crisis-oriented.  For example...

For maybe a month, my thoughts have been flirting with the idea of a 4th baby. Just a casual flirtation.  For me, the desire to have a child doesn't come from any logical place.  The thought doesn't start with consideration about space in the house, funds in the bank account or how we can all survive with only one bathroom.  It begins someplace different.  I started to worry when this thought kept lingering, because I had previously been feeling "done" and complete as a family of five.  The thought was lingering a bit too long--I was starting to wonder if I needed to think about it for real.  I had even talked it over briefly with Mike (who would have a family of 4 or more but is also happy with our family as it is today).

Then last night, after I laid Chloe in her crib to settle, I sat in the glider in her room as I usually do.  I listened to her babble to herself and roll around, finding just the right spot to curl up (tummy sleeper by choice) with her legs tucked under her and her butt in the air.  As I sat there, I was suddenly struck by the feeling of completeness.  I thought about the idea of never going through another pregnancy, never carrying another baby, feeling the movement, giving birth.  I put my hand on my belly and I felt peace with that idea.  My body has done a phenomenal job and it will always have the purpose of nurturing my three little wonders.  I don't have to lose that feeling, that purpose, in the absence of a plan for another pregnancy.  Simply put- It felt right.

Christmas Chaos!

We are fully involved in all things Christmas at this point and I really love it.  I hate my house on a daily basis but having it all decorated with the tree and lights makes it feel so warm and cozy--even in the FREEZING temperatures we've been enjoying.

I can't say I have everything done- in fact, there is still a bit to do...

-Decorating is done inside and outside.  The inside took up until this week to complete.

-Cards are almost ready- I hope to have them out by the end of the week

-Shopping- I have purchased a total of FOUR presents, none of which are for my children.   Funding issues have prevented the purchase of presents and stamps (which is why my cards are just sitting).  Shopping concerns me the most because I kind of need Mike to be involved and finding time for the two of us to shop together is next to impossible.

-Laundry is folded and put away...hampers have hardly anything in them....sheets are changed, curtains washed.  Bathroom is fully clean for the moment.  Bedrooms need vacuuming and dusting.  Downstairs is in good shape.  This is when I appreciate having a small house.

-Regular grocery shopping?  Needs to get done this weekend (funding permitting).

-The Elf on the Shelf (ours is named Ice Cubey-Doobey Doo) is actually helping with behavior (a little bit) but that thing is super creepy in my book.

-We are going to have a little party on Christmas Eve and also have overnight guests--soooo excited!  I will also spaz about making sure the house is clean but that's okay.  We are spending most of Christmas day at my sis-in-law's house.

So, that's how we are doing!  Chloe has left the tree alone for the most part...every once in a while she walks over and grabs an ornament but overall, she has been just loving all the Christmas stuff.  Michael and Liam have been obsessed with The Polar Express.  Last night, Liam said to me, "Mommy, when I grow up, maybe I could be a Santa"--I just love him!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body - Elizabeth Stone

Wishing all mommies a wonderful Mother's Day :)

Just a few tidbits...

1. At the beginning of the week, Mike was laid off from his job. Luckily, he is eligible to file for unemployment benefits.

2. UNLUCKILY, it will cost a million dollars for us to maintain our health benefits once they expire at the end of the month. Well, okay, not a MILLION dollars but that's what it feels like. We are exploring our options.

3. I am going to start selling Tupperware as a way to bring in some funds. This was already in the works (to bring in extra funds-ha ha, what are those?) and now I am just thankful I have a plan in motion. Keep your fingers crossed that this goes well! I will pursue other options if necessary.

4. While it sucks for Mike to lose his job, it's so nice to have him around all day. I am much less tired. I didn't even take a nap today- that's unheard of! And I haven't had caffeine in the morning for 3 days now. It makes me think that maybe I don't have chronic fatigue syndrome but maybe it's managing all these kids that wears me out?

5. Chloe is enjoying her adventures in eating solids. Well, they aren't that solid at this point but so far she has tried rice cereal, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, squash, pears and applesauce. The only thing that gave her a little tummy trouble so far was the applesauce- just gas but it was definitely uncomfortable for her. I am thinking about trying bananas next! I love these early feeding experiences, I find it so much fun to see the baby's reactions to different flavors and textures. Chloe already wants to feed herself so that makes it extra fun/messy but I admire her confidence!

6. Michael and Liam are still loving their two mornings of preschool. I am praying that I can afford to pay their May tuition- the last month before summer camp starts. I am not planning to put them into the summer program but I would like them to finish out the year.

7. A nap revolt has begun this week...and we were in such a good groove. I hope that this phase passes quickly because I really can't stand sleep wars.

8. Liam was showing signs of being ready to potty train. That interest was not maintained.

9. Liam also has an ear infection this week, complete with a punctured ear drum. He is such a trooper and I love his courage but I wish he would be more forthcoming when something is hurting him.

10. I am trying not to freak out about #1 but I am really nervous. We just survived a massive financial crisis last year and this lack of income could throw us over the edge again. I am going to do everything I can to prevent that from happening!

Crying

All babies cry...some cry often while others cry only when necessary.
Here is a look at a few tearful infant moments. It would be fun to do a guessing game, but the context of each photo gives it away.

Hopefully your Monday was filled with smiles not tears :)

Naptime Stories

In my new battle to preserve the boys' naptime (or at least quiet time) at all costs, I am willing to try just about anything to get at least an hour of time where I can be completely focused on Chloe...or catch a nap if Chloe happens to be sleepy as well.

I have had some shameful parenting moments during these daily naptime power struggles. Last week, I decided that I was tired of each day escalating into a battle of wills- especially since it doesn't seem that my will prevails. And it makes for a miserable afternoon either way. So after a hellish, no nap, lots of yelling, lots o whining Friday, I chose to handle things differently beginning with the weekend. On Saturday, Mike was at a 1:00pm Flyers game (Bday gift from moi) so I didn't have an extra set of hands on deck as naptime approached but I was determined to avoid the scream fest.

While I was getting Michael and Liam settled, they were doing their usual routine of flopping around on their beds, laughing, jumping and basically getting charged up to resist sleep. Regular stories have not been going over very well--and these are two boys who have always loved books-- so in the moment, an idea came into my mind.

I told them that I was going to tell them a story that I had made up...they were interested enough to quiet down and actually listen. So I told the story of Michael and Liam, who had a good day so far at soccer class, and now were ready to take a good nap. They had fun playing when they woke up from the nap and had a special cupcake treat after dinner because they took a good nap.

I know, I know--BRIBERY...I said upfront that I have tried just about everything to entice them into nap. In general, the promise of a reward is not enough to guarantee compliance--even when the cupcake is a special Valentine's day edition made by "Tastycake". So my thought was if I incorporated it into a story, they might connect to the idea and it might actually work.

I told my story with more detail than what I wrote above, but you get the idea. After I finished, Michael said "My Turn!" and proceeded to tell his own story which involved Michael and Liam going for a walk in the snow, having hot chocolate and watching "Shaun the Sheep" (Disney Channel) before going to bed...THE END. Michael was very animated while telling the story and also included more detail.

Then LIAM chimes in "MY TURN!" and Liam tells the story of a pretty princess named Chloe who lived in a CASTLE with Liam and Michael and Daddy and Mommy...THE END. His story was just that direct but his face was so sincere as he told his short tale.

I can't begin to tell you how interesting it was to hear them tell me a story in their own words. Michael's was obviously more elaborate but Liam impressed me with his story as well. I think a new tradition has been born. We repeated this at naptime today and Mike was in on the fun tonight before bedtime.

In reality, I don't really care if it results in an easier sleep transition, I LOVE having this creative activity. It might not smooth out naptime entirely but it doesn't seem to do any harm either.

I can see that my kids need more from me...they need opportunities like this to be creative and express themselves. I love that this one came about naturally but I realize that you can't always luck out with a spur of the moment idea...still, I will take them whenever they come along!

Ideas needed!

I never shop for Christmas gifts this early...I just don't. But I gotta tell ya, I am feeling like I NEED to have at least a few things in the house in the very near future. I am beginning to the feel the urge to get things done.

Christmas shopping is one of about 900 things on my list but let me focus on that and ask you for ideas on what to get my 3 year old and 2 year old. Ideally, I'd like one bigger gift- the WOW factor gift- this could be joint for both of them or individual and then ideas for a couple of smaller things. I can cover clothes and a few stocking stuffers.

We aren't going crazy this year for obvious reasons but I am just STUCK for ideas-- nothing has captured my attention yet and my boys aren't yet old enough to show true interest in anything.

I anxiously await your wisdom...

Why?

I am tapping in to my inner child today and have five very important "why" questions that I need answers to ASAP.

1. Why, after eating their own food (or not), do children insist on interfering with your meal? Suddenly, the same food that they whined was "yucky" and claimed "don't YIKE it", is the best thing ever & they feel compelled to clean YOUR plate for you...
Example: This morning, I was a slacker and toasted up some Eggo's for breakfast. Michael asked for oatmeal which he got. Liam ate some oatmeal and one waffle, then claimed he was "all done". I had eaten one waffle and was still hungry so I made another to enjoy is semi-peace. Until Liam comes back to the kitchen, eyes up my waffle and asks for "a bite"...he ate at least half of my waffle...WHY???

2. Why does it seem that routine, everyday tasks are the cause of the biggest tantrums? I thought the theory is that children thrive on structure and routine. Our weeks are pretty routine and yet, EVERY morning/afternoon, some minute aspect of our daily routine is cause for significant tantrum time.
Examples: Turning off the TV so we can leave, getting dressed, leaving daycare. WHY???

3. Why does it seem that when I speak in a calm voice, using appropriate language, my children fail to comply? In fact, they do the EXACT opposite of what I am asking. Then, when I YELL my fool head off & say things in a rather demanding (or downright mean) way, they suddenly do what needs to be done.
Example: Too many to mention but if I ask someone to come over to me so they can get dressed or something like that, they don't move a muscle or run away until I am screaming. WHY???

4. Why do children repetitively ask the very question that you just answered? Over and over and over and over again? My only successful response is to repeat my answer one last time and then tell them that Mommy is "all done talking about that".
Don't get me wrong, if there are DIFFERENT questions about the same topic, that's fine but there are only so many times I can tell you that the police man has his lights on because someone was driving too fast (or whatever the situation was)
Example: I doubt you need them.
WHY???

5. Why does my potty-trained child always delay going to the potty until we are already in the midst of a meal and then SUDDENLY...I HAVE TO PEE!! Then he has to go to the bathroom, rewash his hands, etc. I know it's such a small thing but it drives me batty!
WHY???

Those are my top 5 for the moment...there are so many more but those are the ones that jumped out at me today.

Feel free to answer or just add your own "Why" questions too

2 funny tidbits

I would really love to chat but honestly, I am tired...I am also in the "migraine zone" so I can't screw up my sleep too much or there will be hell to pay. But I have 2 little things to share:

1. I discovered that Michael's translation of corn-on-the-cob is "cob corn". It sounds so cute when he says it and it just cracks me up.

2. Liam has been singing his approximation of the ABC song. At the end he cheers "Yeah babies" (which is our standard cheer when something fun/good happens). I love his little singing voice.

I know, you are thinking- this is not groundbreaking news. But you know those little moments when you little ones just seem EXTRA adorable to you and you sort of fall in love with them again? The above are those type of moments for me :)

Question

Do you have a "cut-off" age for having babies? Some of my friends are strict "no babies after 35" types...some have a lower/higher age limit...and some don't worry too much about that. A few of my friends have other factors at play and age has nothing to do with it.

My mom turned 36 a month after she had me, so 35 was never a deal-breaker in my mind. I know medically, there are more risk factors involved with pregnancy once you hit 35...but it never caused me too much concern.

Until now...I will turn 35 in December. If you read this blog often enough, you know that the timing is not good for us to add to our family (practically speaking) for many, many reasons. I do feel that there is one more child in our future somewhere. I just don't know at what point I might feel that I am "too old".

I know this is a very personal question but if you are willing to share, what are your thoughts?

Role Reversal

Right now, both boys are asleep and I am quite thankful for that.

Today was odd in that Michael settled in for his nap with no issue. He looked at books, was rather quiet and was asleep within 10 minutes of me leaving him. Granted, he is asleep on the floor but that is the norm these days.

Michael fell asleep to the soothing sounds of Liam WAILING. I'm not sure if Liam had teething pain or gas pain or what. I gave him Motrin then Mylicon and it still took another 40 minutes for him to calm down.

It is rare for Liam to cry before going to sleep. Actually, it is rare for Liam to cry. So when he does, it really gets to me. Michael is more tearful and whiny in general so I guess I have built up a tolerance to him? Does that sound mean? Also, when Liam cries, there is typically something wrong- he isn't one to cry for no reason so I worry more about him.

Whatever was wrong, it is now right because the house is quiet...I think I am going to enjoy it while it lasts!!

This says it all

Yeah, another post but I just found this.
I've never read the whole poem until now but I love this...

Check this out

I need to read this often so I don't stress about my way-less-than-perfect home.

Date Night

Last night, Mike & I actually had the closest thing to a date that we've had in a while. It was an "at home" date but it was still fun. The boys went to bed with only minimal drama. We had some Jose Cuervo margheritas (already mixed and super yummy), hung out, played cards, laughed and just talked about nothing in particular. It was SO much fun. There was a time when I thought we would NEVER get to enjoy kid-free evenings again. And now we finally can! It reminded me of what it was like before we had kids. Don't get me wrong, I adore my children but it was nice to have some time together that wasn't all about the boys. We even managed to talk about non-kid related things.

I've mentioned a few times in posts how much I would love to have another child but being out of the newborn/infant phase is nice- should I really mess with that? We have 2 healthy, happy boys- are we pushing our luck to go for a 3rd? I think the timing isn't right at this moment but maybe after the new year we will be ready to take the plunge.

At any rate, it was nice to focus on our relationship and I think we will be trying to have date nights a little more often :)

My Liam

Dear Liam,

It's hard to believe that your first birthday has come and gone! You are almost 15 months old. While you were our unexpected surprise, I know that you were always meant to be. I am so happy you came along when you did...I didn't know our family was missing someone until I met you.

Liam-um (as Michael says), you are my little bear. You may be big physically but you are totally a mamma's boy. I must admit I love that about you. Your smile lights up a room and your happy chuckle is so contagious- it always brings me so much happiness. You always seem to have a twinkle in your eye and a mischievous grin. You have a great sense of humor. The sweetness of your face is something I will always treasure. You make Daddy laugh all of the time and he has the hardest time correcting you without letting a smile slip out.

You adore your brother (and he adores you!), yet you are your own person and your personality always comes shining through. You will definitely give Michael a run for his money in the very near future. Watching you and Michael bond as brothers is a gift and I am so glad that you two compliment each other. Of course you don't always get along...but you do genuinely have fun together. While I was pregnant with you, I often worried about how I would handle caring for you and your brother. I didn't want either of you to feel left out, even for a minute. As soon as you were born, you were a perfect fit. Thank goodness you are a patient baby because heaven knows you have done your share of waiting!

I call you my bear mainly because of your little bear voice. You have a deeper voice than Michael and it has a very boy quality to it. I love the sound of the noises you make when you wake up in the morning and listening to you babble. I love hearing you join in singing with Michael. You are already doing or starting to do many things such as: trying to count and say your ABCs...sing Twinkle Twinkle, Row-Row-Row, Baby Face, among others...recite parts of "No more monkeys jumping on the bed"...PattyCake...and lots of other things like that--mostly thanks to your brother teaching them to you in his own way.

You are my joy each and every day. I can't wait to see what discoveries you make tomorrow. As one of your favorite books says, "Baby cakes, baby cakes, I love you...Baby cakes, baby cakes, yes I do!".

Love,
Mommy

My Michael

For quite some time, I have been struggling to write a letter to each of my boys. I have the beginnings of letters but no completed product. It's been too long and it's time to get at least one done for each.

Dear Michael,

You are our little man! Ever since the day you were born, you just fit right into our lives. Everyone says how hard it is to be first-time parents and how so much changes but I honestly feel that Daddy and I were SO ready for you. All those changes didn't matter. The only tough times were related to colic and that was a hard time for you too because we had to find the right formula to calm your gassy little tummy. If that's the worst thing so far, then we are doing pretty well- I hope you feel the same way.

I can't ever express in words how much I truly love you. You sparkle in a way that lights up my life and the way that you express your thoughts and feelings these days is just amazing. I have waited a looong time to know what was on your mind. You've been talking for a while but in these most recent months, your ability to express yourself is just incredible!!! You can answer questions, bring things up on your own and even hold a nice little conversation. I love talking to you! I love it when you call me "Monny"- for some reason, you don't like to say Mommy? Maybe some day you can tell me about that :)

I love it when you say "I love you"...I love when ask for a "tiss" on your boo-boos...I love when you give smoochy kisses and squeezy hugs. I love when you say you would like a "sweet treat". Lately you've been referring to things as being "so cute". Probably because I say that to you and Liam about a million times a day. One particularly great moment was when you told me that my bed was "so cute"- mostly because you wanted to sleep there instead of in your crib. I am so lucky to be able to spend most of every day with you!! Having all this time with you is priceless and no salary could ever be worth the precious time I have shared with you. I did work full time for most of your first year and while I know you were in loving, capable hands, I know I did miss out on some things. But I also know our bond is strong and you are a happy, healthy little guy...so we must be on the right path.

I love watching you grow and learn...I don't want you to grow up too fast but I also don't want to hold you back from exploring and discovering new things each day. I hope that Daddy and I have found a good balance with that. I hope you know that our family feels so perfect with you in it and I can't imagine life without you. The beauty of your face is too much for me sometimes and I feel myself tearing up a bit when I look at your profile or when you have certain expression on your face. For some reason, I have always loved your hair- even when you were mostly bald. I love the smell of it (clean or not so clean) and I love how your skin still has its baby-softness. I love snuggling with you, running around, working on a project and most of all laughing with you!

You are my beautiful little boy and you will always be "the one who made mommy a mommy for the first time". I wish I could capture all the love that Daddy and I have for you in this letter but it's impossible to describe it completely with just words. My hope is that you feel it every day!!

I love you Michael Peter!
Love,
Monny